2024

April

Saturday 20th

It's day 2 of reconstructing this website. I just got back from my step brother's birthday party so I don't really have much time to work on the HTML. I think I'm liking the new look: vertical navbar and all. It's refreshing coding more or less myself instead of using a template.

Sunday 21st

I think I'm ready to open this website back up! So let me talk about what changed:

Wednesday 24th

Just added a fan fiction page to the site! I also wanted to add everything I read in 2023 but I checked my spreadsheet and there are like 140 so I decided not to. Anyways, I've started getting into Batman/Joker fics and OH MY GOD??? In love at the moment, even though I don't really know much about Batman/DC as a franchise.

University resumes next Monday and I have an assignment I need to work on but I'm really not bothered. Hopefully I'll get some of it done when I head up to my grandparent's house tomorrow.

May

Wednesday 15th

I skipped one of my tutorials yesterday and I've decided to skip university all together today. I am so exhausted and ready for this semester to be over. There's an assignment due tomorrow that I'm nowhere near finishing and another 2000 word essay due friday week. Thankfully I seem to be passing my subjects, so if I get a low mark on these assessments, I should be okay.

Sunday 19th

I went to my first ren fair yesterday (Blacktown City Medieval Fayre)! I met up with a whole bunch of people I'd never seen before and we all had a great time. There was a tournament that involved jousting skills at the beginning of the day before the REAL jousting happened, which was really fun to watch. Afterwards, a group of roughly 12 of us went to a bar in Newtown before heading home.

I'll be going to a memorial service later today for the death of my dad's girlfriend's father. Him and his wife had come over from Canada about a month or two ago for their grandson's 18th birthday, and not long after (time is confusing so I can't give a proper timeline), he passed away on a day trip to Port Macquarie. He'll be cremated here before his wife heads back over to Canada. I'd only known him for about 5-6 years, but he truly was a lovely man; passionate about hockey and loved spending time with people.

Monday 27th

WOW! Okay, there are a couple things I'd like to touch on today.

Firstly, I've been talking to a guy for about a week (?) and I blocked him today. I know it's a shitty thing to do, but I wasn't vibing with him and something about him felt really off - so sorry if he sees this (idk how he would though lmao).

Secondly! I went to the Banks Arcade concert on Saturday! YEW, what a night! I got there 2 hours early, which was way too early considering it was held at a dive bar. I met three girls there who were up from Canberra just to go to the concert and they were so sweet. During the concert, Josh - the lead singer for Banks Arcade - ELBOWED ME IN THE FACE! It didn't leave a bruise but holy fuck it was amazing. Not many people can say they were hit by Josh. Afterwards, I got a photo with him and let him know and he apologised, which was super sweet, and I let him know it was okay. I also managed to score the setlist! If I'm bothered, I might add a photo of it in later.

Thirdly, I went to an AIHL game yesterday! It was the Sydney Bears against the Newcastle Northstars and the Bears won 6 to 1! I also forked out $220AUD just for a Bears jersey which is so overpriced but I love ice hockey and I love my team.

FINALLYYYYYY, it is the last week of semester! WHOOOOOOOOO! After this week I have 3 exams and then it's 5 weeks of break! I'm so happy this semester is almost over, it means I can put my time into adding more onto this website, such as the train section and maybe I'll add in some hockey shrines...

Friday 31st

I've got an appointment for some piercings tomorrow! The plan is a pair of vertical labrets on my upper lip (angel fangs), but if my anatomy isn't right for them, I'm hoping to get the same piercings but on my bottom lip.

June

Monday 10th

My dad and his girlfrind have gone off to Western Australia for a week and a bit and they left me and my two brothers with our grandparents. Since they left, my dad's girlfriend's dog is also staying with us. Today, that dog attacked our cat and let a scratch mark next to his eye that swelled up for a few hours and made him terrified to leave either mine or my younger brother's bedroom. I really hate that dog; it hasn't been properly trained.

On a lighter note, I got my lip pierced! It turns out I do have the anatomy for angel fangs, so that's what I got and I absolutely love them! If you live in Sydney, Australia, I highly recommend you check out Industrial Strength Piercing since they are so professional and amazing at what they do. I go back in a couple weeks to get my bars downsized and I'm so excited!

Tuesday 11th

Both of my brother's got back from their camp yesterday and my older brother showed me the sketch his tattoo artist had come up with for his upcoming appointment (it's so sick). I have one of my final exams today at 6pm, so hopefully I don't fail lol.

Wednesday 26th

Oh boy, are you ready for some TMI?

Out of the 26 days we've had so far this month, 19 have been spent bleeding. I am so over these ridiculously long periods that are heavy and cause headaches. I've asked my dad to set me up an appointment with the doctor so hopefully I'll be able to get some clarity on the situation and get on the pill.

In other news (still wildly TMI), I got my first dildo today (insert heart eye emojis). While still bleeding, I tried it out and fuuuuuck did it make my headaches worse (somehow). Once my neverending period is over, I'll give it another go. #sexualhealth!

Oh! and for the zero people wondering: it's transparent pink, 6 inch long, i think 5 inch circumference, and has a hella good suction cup.

Friday 28th

Okay, completely forgot to mention this: I got my piercing jewellery downsized and they are SO CUTE! I'm also like 80% of the way through Twilight and I'm hoping to finish it off by the end of the month (lies).

July

Monday 1st

Going to the doctor's tomorrow! Hopefully all will go well. I also enrolled in a couple of my classes today and got the time slots I wanted.

Thursday 4th

I had my doctor's appointment on Tuesday and it went well! My doctor gave me a referal to get some blood drawn and get an ultrasound. I managed to get the blood work done yesterday, but the earliest I could get the ultrasound booked for is next Tuesday. This slightly delays when I'll get my diagnosis and subsequent medication, but as long as it gets done, I'll be happy.

Currently on day 11 of this period and I'm really hoping once I've gotten all my test results together that the pill will actually work. I don't know if I could survive with these constant periods.

OH! I also managed to finish off Twilight before my appointment a couple days ago. Better than the movies ngl.

Sunday 7th

I got my CD player on Friday, plus a copy of Sempiternal and a pre-order of Nex Gen, so today I decided to dig through some boxes down in the garage to see if my parents had any old CDs laying around. They had some Depeche Mode, Muse, and Nirvana albums which is pretty cool. There were also a bunch of Hi-5 albums from when I was little, but they are super scratched up and didn't really play well. I have about 45-50 CDs now which is nice! Makes buying a CD player worth it.

August

Thursday 8th

I went to the Alpha Wolf concert last night at Liberty Hall! I was at the barricade towards the right and managed to get two guitar picks: a concert used pick from Kyle Sipress of The Devils Wears Prada and an unused pick from Sabian Lynch of Alpha Wolf (although it was Scottie Simpson who threw it at me)! It also turns out my sister was at the concert so I met up with her afterwards and got some merch! Overall, I had an amazing time and managed to take some cool pictures of the performances!

Aaaaand quick update because it seems I've forgotten to write about it: I was given a diagnosis for PCOS and am on birth control to help regulate my periods and overall flow. So far it's been great! Having a break longer than a week between periods is absolute bliss.

Wednesday 21st

I finally restarted Snakes and Lions two days ago (even though I didn't finish it the first time). I feel like I've made good progress into the absolute mammoth of a book it is, so hopefully I can keep up this pace.

I also submitted my first assignment last Friday, as well as a progress report on another assignment. So far, University is going smoothly, but I know the pressure will start to ramp up soon. Hopefully I can stay on top of everything.

AND (omg the most important thing) I GOT 100% ON MY FIRST MATHS EXAM. #staywinning

September

Sunday 8th

Handed in my first science assessment on Friday, and I think it's pretty good! Also got my results for my education and society class - I got 25/30! Feeling really good about this semester. I'll be making my Lemon Delicious Pudding tonight since we finally have enough lemons to make it, which is quite exciting! I haven't made it in a few years so I'm not 100% sure at what time I should start making it (it is best served straight out of the oven). I'm hoping to start making it at 6pm so it'll be ready around 7:30pm.

On another note, I'm about 50% of the way through Snakes and Lions which it further than my first attempt at reading it. I also got my advanced reading copy for Tomb of the Sun King by Jacquelyn Benson that I need to finish soon so I can write a review before it's published!

Saturday 14th

Today was not a good day. And since my my dad told me write about it, here it is.

At the beginning of the month, it was my Nana's birthday, and a few days ago, it was my older brother's birthday. We'd decided that today we would celebrate both birthdays in person at our house, along with my dad's girlfriend and her son, and my sister and her boyfriend. I was under the assumption that my dad's girldfriend would not be bringing her dog as it would only be for a few hours and most people in our house do not like the dog. Unfortunately, the dog still came. This sudden shift in plans and understanding of our the eveing would progress almost immediately sent me into a spiral. I left to go to my room and started crying, staying there for maybe 20 to 30 minutes. I then moved to the bathroom when my nose started running and sat in the bath for a further amount of time (likely longer than an hour). I sat in the bath tub most of the time and continued crying. The reason I was upset ventured more than just the dog. I also felt overwhelmed at the amount of people in the house. It felt cramped and unfortable. I've never been good at conversation and it all suddenly felt like too much. On top of that, I have had numerous thoughts about my dad's girlfriend's family over the years. Mainly, I feel as though my family is more connected with them than with me. I feel as though my dad connects with her child more than me and that I'll never been as important as them, as well as, my siblilngs find them more interesting and easier to talk to than me. Once again, I think this links back to me not being good at conversation. Maybe if I was more interesting, or knew what to say and when to say it, I wouldn't feel this way. But overall, it took me about 2 hours to finally calm down, after a walk around the block and a seat in front of the garage door.

My dad and I had a talk once it was all over and everyone had gone home/to bed and we talked through how we might handle something like this happening in the future. I have no idea if he finally believes I have autism or not, but I think this is good to note down in case I ever finally decide to get an assessment and need to relay a time I experienced a meltdown/shutdown.

To add to this shitty night, I saw my Pa take a fall. It wasn't bad, but he's getting old. I fell down the last stair and needed two people and a chair to help him get up. I don't want to believe my grandparents might not be with us in the future. I only have two left, and I love them dearly.

Sunday 22nd

TW for SH in this - but like, it's my journal, piss off.

I didn't think it would happen again, but it did. I think my mental health is getting worse. I'm getting upset over the tiniest things and today put me over the edge.

I've never really liked my dad's girlfriend. She isn't a bad person or anything, I just would've preferred my family to stay my family, not extend to include her's. On top of that she has an untrained dog that really frustrates me. Anyway, my dad and her stayed over last night since her bathroom is being renevated at her house which isn't a biggy, I just thought they'd be gone somewhat early in the morning. I had university work I needed to do and it's extremely difficult to focus with other people around (hell, I get annoyed when my brother is in the same room). So, I asked my dad when him, his girlfriend, and the dog were going since I'd like some quiet and apparently I shouldn't have said that. My dad said I was rude and agressive (I just asked a question?) and now I need to apologise to his girlfriend for making her feel bad.

Being rude was never my intention, it's never my intention in any situation. Recognising when I've been rude or made an insensitive comment is extremely difficult for me, and once they left the house, I spiralled. I spent a few hours just sobbing in confusion. For the first time in almost 6 months I cut myself. Most of them are just really shallow and will disappear within a few days, but one of them is semi-deep - can see the layers of skin, dips down where the cut is and all that. I really hope it doesn't get stuck to my bedsheets tonight.

Tomorrow is Monday and usually my dad's girlfriend comes over, but dad just said she won't. I'm planning on fucking off for the day anyway. I hate this house - I feel like I can never truely relax or be myself without receiving some sort of judgement. I don't know where I'll go, but I'll figure it out.

I know this seems like some "poor me" type whining, I'll probably even make fun of myself at some point for reacting like this just for making an insensitive comment, but I can't control my emotions very well. I've never been able to. I don't know if its an autistic thing, or something that I just need to get over and deal with, but whatever. Writing this makes me want to cut again, jesus christ.

I also feel like buying cigarettes tomorrow.

Monday 23rd

Just bought myself some Chesterfield golds and a couple Mars bars. Might head out tonight for a smoke.

I went out at around 16:30 and had a smoke at the top of a bush walk. Feels good to have headspins again.

Monday 30th

I've got my P's driving test tomorrow, which is exciting (hopefully I won't fail this one lol)! Aaaaand one of my uni friends is coming up this weekend for a Twilight marathon.

November

Wednesday 6th

It's been about a month this I last updated this journal. Quite a few things have happen; started going to the gym, dented the car, accidently caused property damage, finished my first year of university, dressed as a minion for halloween, started working at my Christmas casual job again, drove a ute. Honestly, the list just goes on.

But as of today, I just got a call from my manager telling me my shift has been moved to tomorrow because Melbourne had a public holiday and we wouldn't receive our shipment until tomorrow (no joke, I love unpacking boxes). I was planning on finally getting my blood test after work, but I guess I can wait until tomorrow. Once I have the blood test done, I can set up an appointment with my doctor so we can look over the results and get a refill for my birth control since I've basically finished my current perscription.