Crushes 2

01 June 2025

Crushes. The worst thing ever.

On the 30th of May, I saw Jesse again. Kat, Noah, Jesse, and I had all planned to go out to a bar for some drinks, and during pres, I drank way too much. At the bar, Jesse bought me multiple drinks and I, obviously, took them. I can barely remember most of the night and honestly, that was my first time being blackout drunk - so far gone that I literally have memory loss.

There are bits and pieces I remember, like dancing with Jesse, getting kicked out of the bar, throwing up in a Macca's car park. The best, or worst, thing I remember is being in the same bed as Jesse and making out with him like crazy. Like, to the point I was straddling him and grinding on him. I hate to admit - and this will be explained later - that I really enjoyed it. i liked kissing him and cuddling afterwards and in general just feeling another person that went beyond a short hug.

In the morning, Jesse essentially ignored me. I texted him after he left and he asked me out on a date. I easily agreed. But then I didn't hear from him for a full day.

On the 1st of June, I received a text from Jesse. He said he doesn't want a relationship and that he was sorry to lead me on, explaining that he didn't stop it earlier because he felt bad. I felt so sick reading his message. Sick of myself for getting my hopes up and sick of him. He blocked me before I could even replied and spent the rest of the day spiralling. How could I have been so pathetic? Embarassing? Moronic?

I spoke to Kat about it. Jesse blocked her too. I cried and I drank, a stupid way to feel after only knowing this person for 3 weeks. The problem is, I keep on thinking he'll unblock me and apologise, say he does like me, and try to get back together - whatever our together was. Noah is going to speak to him at work tomorrow - Noah's mad at Jesse too.

Maybe I'll get more answers, maybe I'll hear nothing. All I know is that crushes SUCK.